Happy Birthday (21)

Dear Friend,

I recently had a birthday. It wasn't a milestone birthday as far as the number goes but it was a milestone birthday for managing my well being. This birthday was the happiest I have been in a really long time. I chose to laugh a lot on my birthday, friend, and it was exactly what I needed.

I have always felt like I was a strong person. I'm usually the one carrying the emotional burdens of everyone else. I'm a good listener. However, as I grow older and a little wiser, I realize that my strength is not a constant. There are times when I get tired or scared too. That's when I have to bolster my reserves of strength by asking my friends and/or family to circle their wagons. Sometimes they help me without even knowing that they are.

My birthday fell on a Saturday this year. The week leading up to my birthday had been fantastic. I felt like I was on top of the world and I was full of joy. I was looking forward to a fun filled day with friends followed by my Parents on Sunday. It was going to be great!

Wednesday, hump day, I get a voicemail on my cellphone from my doctor's office. "Hi, this is xyz from Radiology with regards to your recent mammogram? We have discovered an area of concern and would like you to come in as soon as possible for an ultrasound. It's probably nothing but we just want to make sure. Please call back at your earliest convenience to schedule that appointment. Thank you and have a great day!" 

Well... that sucks... *insert heart palpitations here.

I called back three times, trying not to freak out or fall apart, before I could speak with a human being. Their earliest appointment was the Monday after my birthday. *Deep breath, Robin.

At first I contemplated not telling anyone. In the last two years my family has lost two family members to cancer, one of them was breast cancer. I can handle this, I thought. I didn't want to worry anyone. However, my anxiety got the better of me. I needed my Mom. Luckily, my Mom is a retired nurse. When she is faced with any kind of medical situation she goes into something I like to call "clinical mode". She takes in all the information then calmly gives you advice based on years of experience. She made me feel better and reminded me that she had had a call back too that turned out to be nothing. Okay, I can do this. Thursday and Friday passed without much fear just lots of heart kisses texted from my Mom but as my birthday crept closer my anxiety level rose again. I reached out to a dear friend who has had experience with breast cancer. She too made me feel better and assured me that call backs are much more common now a days. Again, I felt better.

That's when I made the conscious decision to have a great birthday. I wasn't going to let the "area of concern that could be nothing" ruin my fun! 

It really was a top ten birthday. My face and stomach hurt from laughing so much. It was wonderful to see my two best friends smiling and laughing as much as I was. We all needed it for various reasons. I'm glad I didn't tell them that day about my call back. It would have been a black cloud over a perfect day with amazing friends. I will Cherish this birthday and the memories we made that day for years to come. The pictures are pretty hilarious too. 

Friend, my point in telling you about this is that happiness truly is a choice if you let it be. We can't always choose our health circumstances but we can work to improve them by exercising our muscles and eating a healthy diet. It's the same with happiness. A happy heart gets stronger with laughter, love, kindness and compassion. Seek out people who will nurture these things and share them with you. Don't forget that your heart is a muscle that requires daily exercise too, friend. 

Oh, and my "area of concern" turned out to be nothing! 

XO, Robin

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