Stairs (1)

Dear Friend,

In case you didn't know, I grew up on the water. My parents house sits on a bank high above the river. In order to get down to the beach I'd have to go down two flights of stairs with a landing in the middle. I'd run up and down those stairs with glee in my heart and energy to spare.

In college, I was an RA who lived on the third floor. We didn't have an elevator in the dorm. I had to climb the stairs to get to my room. I had to climb the stairs to do my rounds. I was always climbing those stairs but they made me feel good. I'd make a game of it. I'd jump and skip up the stairs and run down the other side. I was in the best shape of my life because of the fun I'd had on those stairs. Then something changed. I guess I became an adult. I entered the 'real world'. I got a job. I got married. I forgot how to have fun. I got divorced. I turned thirty, gasp. I had started avoiding stairs and I started gaining weight.

It didn't happen all at once. I had simply made a subconscious decision to start using the escalator or hop in the elevator. It was easier and faster. I always looked for short cuts. I'd go to the store and park as close to the door as I could because I was tired. Tired became depressed. It was a slow and steady decline into a sedentary life. Before I knew it I was morbidly obese. My doctor wasn't happy. I wasn't happy. I didn't recognize myself in pictures. I felt trapped in my own body and I was getting desperate.

Stairs can symbolize a lot of things in life. The more I think about it I think that each decade of my life can be categorized by stairs. Am I climbing higher towards success and my dreams? Am I Climbing higher towards becoming a better person? Am I descending because of bad choices or stupid mistakes? Or am I stuck on a landing, not rising or falling, just existing.

My thirties were definitely a landing. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know where to go or how to fix it. I just wanted to be invisible. I didn't care. Then something tragic happened. There was a death in my family that brought me to a full stop. It was like a slap across the face that forced my eyes wide open. It made me look over the landscape of my life and take stock. I didn't like what I saw and that made me furious because I am in charge of my life, no one else. I decide how active I am. I decide what I eat. I decide every aspect of my health and wellness. Me. I had just buried someone who had spent two years fighting a horrible disease and yet here I was slowly killing myself with inactivity and poor diet when I was otherwise perfectly healthy. How dare I do that to myself?!

At first I cried. Then I was really mad. Then I became determined to improve my health and well being. I wrote an emotional apology letter to myself and had to forgive myself for years of neglect. I had lost my smile somewhere on that stupid landing and that wasn't okay with me. I was seeing clearly for the first time in years.

I decided to join a gym. Once I mustered up the courage to walk through the front door I was faced with my first decision. Do I take the elevator to the second floor or climb the stairs? I stood there for only a moment before I chose to climb the stairs. I was out of breath when I reached the top but a funny thing happened... a little smile pricked the corners of my mouth. Now, after two years, I am running, jumping, hopping and skipping up those stairs. I'm smiling at everything and everyone because I am truly happy that I am finally climbing again. With every step I take I'm lifting my spirits, improving my health and finding new ways to love myself just as I am and will become. I've got my smile back.

I'm not sure where these stairs are going to lead me and that's kind of scary but I'm excited to meet the positive people who are climbing them with me. Everyone I have met so far has cheered for me, been kind, motivating and encouraging to me. It's hard climbing these stairs but I'm not alone. I have you, friend, and I am positive that together we'll make it to the top and we'll have FUN.

XO, Robin

p.s. want to learn more about health and wellness? visit my Facebook page Oh my Quad!