Facing Fear (11)

Dear Friend,

Have you ever felt afraid or anxious? Did you know there is a difference?

Fear is unexpected. It's a feeling induced by a perceived danger or threat. It's a reaction to danger that triggers your fight or flight instinct. It's primal.

Anxiety is the anticipation of danger. It's a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about an imminent event or uncertain outcome. Anxiety is dangerous because it can control you. Anxiety can talk you out of doing things and keep you from achieving your goals and dreams.

Hi, My name is Robin and I have anxiety, friend. I never knew it, really, until this year.

I like to think that I project a positive, strong, and 'it takes a lot to scare' me type of persona. This is truly how I feel, for the most part, but there are a few things that peg my anxiety meter. The worst one for me is performance anxiety or stage fright. Oh boy, friend, just writing those two phrases is freaking me out.

What causes this particular fear? Is it simply the fear of failure? Is it the fear that you're not going to live up to the expectations set by yourself or others? What a boring life it would be if we never even tried. Did you know there is an enormous sense of relief and freedom that bolsters you when you are able to rise up and face your fears, friend?

Gym class was not my favorite class in school. I am not competitive. I couldn't do the things other kids could do. I was't strong enough, fast enough or athletic enough. At least, that is what my brain has always told me. I usually felt inadequate and insecure in gym class. Then again I didn't really try. I think I was afraid of the embarrassment of failure.

I remember one class where we were split in to two groups randomly. The teacher said whichever group could complete their task would win a prize. Each member of my group had to climb onto a box and swing on a thick rope to another box across a long gym mat. If you fell on the mat everyone who had crossed ahead of you had to go back to the beginning and cross again, no pressure.

I didn't see any purpose to this challenge except to make the kids who couldn't do it feel worse about themselves while everyone in the group hated them. My group had a few of the school athletes in it who kept looking over at me. I felt like they didn't approve that I was part of their group. I felt defeated before I even tried. The athletes went first and crossed easily. One kid after another made it across to the other side. There were a couple of near misses but the athletes made sure no one fell backwards once they reached the other box. All you had to do was reach the other box. As the group on my side got smaller I decided I wanted to get it over with. I jumped onto the box and stared across to the kids on the other side. They were staring back.

It felt like the gym grew quiet as I finally grabbed that rope. I was hesitating and because I was hesitating my anxiety level started to rise again. I felt like I was standing in a spotlight on top of that box. I felt like I was about to let every one on my team down. That was not okay with me. I took another deep breath to try to calm my nerves. Then, I jumped up, grabbed the rope with my hands and feet and held on with all the strength I could muster. A few terrifying seconds later, my hands slipped but I landed firmly on the other box. I stood in shocked silence for only a moment before letting out a primal scream that came up from the tips of my toes and overwhelmed me. I received a round of riotous cheers from everyone in the gym, even my teacher. My team won that day. I can't remember now what the prize was because for me the real prize was being able to conquer that obstacle. The real prize was learning to stop underestimating myself. That is something that I'm still learning.

I think my brain and my ego are best friends. I think I have stage fright because I am afraid to fail. I think I need to do the things that scare me because those are the things I'll be most proud of. Are you ready to face your fears too, friend? What obstacles are in your way? Is there something niggling at the back of your mind that you may have been wanting to do or try but you haven't yet because of fear or anxiety? I have a couple of things on my mind that I'm working up the courage to try. I don't want to tell you about them yet, friend, but believe me you'll be the first to know. What fear are you going to face today or tomorrow? You know you can do it, right friend? We got this!

XO, Robin

p.s. if you want to learn more about health and wellness please like my Facebook page Oh my Quad!