Happy Birthday (21)

Dear Friend,

I recently had a birthday. It wasn't a milestone birthday as far as the number goes but it was a milestone birthday for managing my well being. This birthday was the happiest I have been in a really long time. I chose to laugh a lot on my birthday, friend, and it was exactly what I needed.

I have always felt like I was a strong person. I'm usually the one carrying the emotional burdens of everyone else. I'm a good listener. However, as I grow older and a little wiser, I realize that my strength is not a constant. There are times when I get tired or scared too. That's when I have to bolster my reserves of strength by asking my friends and/or family to circle their wagons. Sometimes they help me without even knowing that they are.

My birthday fell on a Saturday this year. The week leading up to my birthday had been fantastic. I felt like I was on top of the world and I was full of joy. I was looking forward to a fun filled day with friends followed by my Parents on Sunday. It was going to be great!

Wednesday, hump day, I get a voicemail on my cellphone from my doctor's office. "Hi, this is xyz from Radiology with regards to your recent mammogram? We have discovered an area of concern and would like you to come in as soon as possible for an ultrasound. It's probably nothing but we just want to make sure. Please call back at your earliest convenience to schedule that appointment. Thank you and have a great day!" 

Well... that sucks... *insert heart palpitations here.

I called back three times, trying not to freak out or fall apart, before I could speak with a human being. Their earliest appointment was the Monday after my birthday. *Deep breath, Robin.

At first I contemplated not telling anyone. In the last two years my family has lost two family members to cancer, one of them was breast cancer. I can handle this, I thought. I didn't want to worry anyone. However, my anxiety got the better of me. I needed my Mom. Luckily, my Mom is a retired nurse. When she is faced with any kind of medical situation she goes into something I like to call "clinical mode". She takes in all the information then calmly gives you advice based on years of experience. She made me feel better and reminded me that she had had a call back too that turned out to be nothing. Okay, I can do this. Thursday and Friday passed without much fear just lots of heart kisses texted from my Mom but as my birthday crept closer my anxiety level rose again. I reached out to a dear friend who has had experience with breast cancer. She too made me feel better and assured me that call backs are much more common now a days. Again, I felt better.

That's when I made the conscious decision to have a great birthday. I wasn't going to let the "area of concern that could be nothing" ruin my fun! 

It really was a top ten birthday. My face and stomach hurt from laughing so much. It was wonderful to see my two best friends smiling and laughing as much as I was. We all needed it for various reasons. I'm glad I didn't tell them that day about my call back. It would have been a black cloud over a perfect day with amazing friends. I will Cherish this birthday and the memories we made that day for years to come. The pictures are pretty hilarious too. 

Friend, my point in telling you about this is that happiness truly is a choice if you let it be. We can't always choose our health circumstances but we can work to improve them by exercising our muscles and eating a healthy diet. It's the same with happiness. A happy heart gets stronger with laughter, love, kindness and compassion. Seek out people who will nurture these things and share them with you. Don't forget that your heart is a muscle that requires daily exercise too, friend. 

Oh, and my "area of concern" turned out to be nothing! 

XO, Robin

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Gratitude (20)

Dear friend,

When was the last time you felt gratitude? When you think of the word gratitude what does it mean to you? The definition of gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. For me, gratitude means more than just saying thank you to someone else, it's a feeling of thoughtfulness that fills you up and makes your heart swell.

There are days in our lives when we get stuck in the mud. Those are the days we are overwhelmed by our to-do list. All we see is the stress of getting everything done. We forget to be grateful for who we are and what we have. Those are the days we need reminders.

My father was a carpenter before he retired. He worked all over the state on a construction crew. He had an uncanny skill to lay out a job in his mind and calculate exactly what was needed for materials from the amount of lumber right down to the bag of nails. He's built multi-level houses and apartment buildings, hotels and garages. He built all my book shelves and bedroom furniture. He more than tripled the size of my childhood home and added on an in-law apartment for my grandparents when they got older. Whenever I needed help with something I knew my Dad could figure it out. I have always known my Dad as tall, handsome, strong, stubborn and very capable. He also happened to be legally blind.

My Mom taught me to drive initially but it was my Dad who helped me to feel confident behind the wheel. We would go on little adventures. He would take me out to dinner so I could drive or we'd just go for a ride. He knew the roads of our town like the back of his hand. He could guide me with landmarks and tell me to turn left when I see this or right when I see that. He had memorized all the names of the streets too. He was my first GPS. I trusted him to keep us from getting lost and he trusted me not to crash into anything. Our adventures became a habit as the years passed and his remaining vision slowly faded.

One day we were returning from one of our dinner dates, while Mom was at work, when he asked me if we could stop at the store. I groaned internally because I was in a bad mood from a long work day. Dinner had taken much longer than expected. I had a lot to do and still had a forty minute drive to get home. I was irritated and impatient. I reluctantly agreed. We parked and I trudged into the store with him behind me, hanging on to my shoulder. When we got inside I sighed and asked him what we were looking for. He said he wanted to buy a card and some flowers for my Mom because tomorrow was their anniversary.

Friend, I'm not going to lie, I almost sobbed right there in the front of the store. Here I was being an impatient jerk when all my Dad wanted to do was buy a gift for his sweetie for their anniversary. It was an action he couldn't do by himself. I felt terrible. I had completely forgotten about their anniversary. I fought back tears and gave him a bear hug while I sniffled into his shoulder. He patted me on the back as I asked him what kind of flowers he wanted. We spent another hour smelling flowers and reading cards together until we were both happy. It was a fun adventure and a valuable lesson in thoughtfulness that I will always be grateful for.

When you are feeling lost in the minutia of day to day life, friend, please take a moment to be grateful for one thing your body has done right for you that day. Do you have eyes to see with? Ears to hear with? Can you pick up things with your hands? Did you have a nice walk or run around the block?  If you are healthy, fall in love with the amazing bio-mechanical system that you call your body. There are so many people in this world who live happy and full lives with much less. Be grateful for everything your body can do for you. Be kind to your body. Don't focus on the things it can't do. Love yourself more today because you can, friend.

xo, Robin

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The Best (19)

Dear Friend,

Are you a competitive person? Are you the best at something? Does it make you feel good? What does being the best mean anyway? Why do some people feel driven to be the best? We are all unique individuals so aren't we already the best at being ourselves?

There have been times in my life when people have applauded the things I could do. I even received a a couple standing ovations. That felt amazing and I was grateful for them but it isn't the kind of validation I seek. I would much rather be awesome anonymously. The fulfillment you get from spreading joy covertly is like nothing else I've ever known. To be able to make someone smile or inspire someone without taking credit for it is a kind of satisfaction that can be thrilling, especially when you see the results of your actions. Anonymity is difficult to achieve sometimes but it's a heck of a lot of fun to try.

I like to call them 'special projects'. I know for a fact that I am not the only person in the world who likes to do "special projects'. Have you seen the kindness rocks that people leave around town, friend? I haven't tried that one yet but I love the concept and will paint a few of my own to share soon. I've also seen random sticky notes with kind phrases on them at drive thru windows. Nice! The other day I saw post it notes of encouragement stuck to books in the teen section of my library. Perfect! Anything you can do to have a surprising positive impact on another human being is a step in the right direction.

The best part about becoming a healthy individual is that once you have taken the time to heal yourself you find that you have much more energy, love and kindness to share with the world around you. People are starving for it. The other day I stopped at Home Depot to pick up a couple items I needed. As I walked towards the front door I passed an older lady pushing her carriage. She was slow and slumped with the weight of her world. I have a fondness for elderly people so I smiled a big bright smile at her. She stopped in her tracks and stared at me for a second then smiled back and said, "Wow! What a wonderful greeting!" She stood a little straighter as we passed each other and I could tell that just the act of acknowledging her had improved her day. It surprised me that something so simple could have such an impact on another person. Smiling is easy for me. It's my default setting. It didn't cost me anything or take any effort on my part to smile at her and yet we both received a positive boost from the interaction. To me, encounters like that are the best.

Every stage of our lives we focus on new things. If you are an adult you have survived early childhood development and the teenage years. The twenties are all about leaving the nest, making mistakes and spreading your wings. The thirties might be about building strong roots and foundations of your own. Each decade we learn and experience personal growth. I think that's why I admire senior citizens. They have survived and grown a lot in their lives and have incredible, sometimes surprising, stories to tell.

I hope you know, friend, that being the best has nothing to do with trophies, medals, or standing ovations. Those things are great motivators and milestones but the best has more to do with who you become while striving for those things. Are you the best version of yourself? We focus so strongly at the beginning of the year on our resolutions. The most common is diet and exercise. Eating whole foods and getting to the gym consistently is important but are YOU real and consistent? You may be focusing on improving your muscle strength right now but can people count on your strength of character?

A lot of the worlds religions refer to 'good people' as being like a candle in a dark world. I hope that you are able to nurture your inner light so well this year that instead of being a flickering candle in this dark world you will be a bonfire that lights up your surroundings with warmth and energy. Take a look around you. How can you improve what you see? Are you happy? Are the people around you happy? I hope so, friend! If not, start with little changes or happy surprises. If you are brave enough, try volunteering or helping somehow in your community. When I say community I don't necessarily mean the town you live in. It could refer to any group of people you spend time with. I guarantee you that if you approach an idea or task for spreading kindness with a positive attitude you will feel phenomenal after wards, especially if you can do it anonymously.

I challenge you to be the best human being you can be this year. Do you have a great idea for kindness? Don't wait, Just do it! I hope this post is the lighter fluid you need to get your metaphorical bonfire started.

XO, Robin 

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Chance (18)

Dear Friend,

What do you do with a chance? Do you grab on to it with both hands? Or do you let fear of the unknown hold you back until the chance passes by? A chance is the possibility of something happening. Depending on the situation there is a chance that it could be positive or negative.

Monopoly was one of those board games that rarely went my way. I was okay with not winning. I always felt bad causing the financial ruin of other players. The best part of the game for me were the chance cards. I loved the mystery and potential opportunity of them. They could be a cash windfall or a weird tax of some kind. You never knew which way the chance card was going to go.

Every day that we wake up is like pulling a new chance card. You don't know what's going to happen or who you are going to meet. You take a chance stepping out your front door, going to the gym, driving to work or just running chores.

A few years ago my washing machine broke. I was forced to take my laundry to the the laundry mat in the next town because my town didn't have one. I was dreading it and put it off as long as I could. I had a lot to do and spending a couple hours doing laundry was not how I wanted to spend my time, friend. Oh well, it had to be done. I made my way there and secured a couple of the big machines. It was crowded, of course. There was a flat screen TV yelling news at us from its perch high on the wall. I tried to block it out but the voices of the newscasters permeated the air with bad news. It made everyone grumpy. The woman next to me said something unkind about the report. I turned to look at her as she turned to look at me. I could tell by the shock on her face that she instantly regretted what she had said. I took a chance to interact with her. I smiled as kindly as I could and said, "It's okay. I don't think anyone else heard you." She smiled back and said, "I can't believe I just said that. That's not like me!?"

That's where our conversation started. We talked the entire time and had fun solving all of the worlds problems, as you do at the laundry mat. She was in town visiting an ill family member but she lived with her husband in Pleasant Bay, Nova Scotia. She told me a fabulous story about how the Fire Department and Fishermen played a game of baseball every year on Canada Day with a group of Buddhist Monks from Gampo Abbey. There is a documentary about it on YouTube in 3 parts called Monks at Bat.

I loved this story! I was enthralled by it and by my new friend Mary. She spoke so passionately about two very different groups of people coming together to form friendships that strengthened their community. We had such a great conversation that we stood in the parking lot with our laundry baskets for another hour before saying good-bye. It was one of those strange encounters where you are so wrapped up in enjoying the experience that you forget to get any contact information. I don't know her last name, email address or phone number but I will always remember the day we spent in the laundry mat laughing and sharing stories. This chance encounter with Mary and her story of the monks inspired me to go on an adventure to a museum in NYC with a dear friend of mine. It was something I wouldn't have done if I hadn't heard Mary speak so eloquently about her Buddhist neighbors. That trip led me to try sound meditation which has been helpful in relieving my stress levels and anxiety.

Friend, take a chance today and try something new. Go somewhere out of your routine and pay attention to the people around you. There are opportunities everywhere for you to have a chance conversation or experience that could change the direction of your life or, at the very least, enhance it greatly. For example, two years ago I took a chance on my gym. I'm so glad I did. Some of my best friendships evolved from chance encounters there. I wish you the happiest new year. I hope it is full of good chances.

XO, Robin

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Potential & Goals (17)

Dear Friend,

Are you someone who jumps out of bed ready to seize the day? Or do you prefer to curl up under your warm pile of blankets and pray that someone else will do everything for you. Perhaps, like me, you're a bit of both. I think my energy level depends on the day, the phase of the moon, and whether I have spent time cultivating my own worth.

There have been times in my life, more than I care to admit, where I have been made to feel 'less than' by others. I don't know if it was on purpose or on accident by careless people but they would take me for granted, underestimate me, quit on me and walk away or worse, not even show up. That's not a great feeling. It makes you feel small and unworthy. I hate that feeling because it's not true. Unfortunately, I have been treating myself that way, mindlessly, my whole life.

I have dreams and aspirations that have been sitting on a shelf in my psyche collecting dust ever since I was a kid. Every once in a while I'll retreat to that place and stare over at them. I'll find a little motivation and work towards building a bridge to reach one of them but then life gets in the way. My inner cheerleader gets tired or discouraged. I don't think anything evaporates motivation faster than fatigue. It's when I'm tired that I allow myself to feel less than. I forget how shiny my dreams are and I settle for what I'm doing.

The truth is I don't have a plan, friend. We all have dreams that are attainable if we believe in ourselves and set goals to help us from going off the rails with self doubt.

I stink at setting goals. My mind visualizes the end goal and thinks I need to just keep moving towards that goal, right? When I started my fitness journey I knew I needed to lose weight. I thought that was my goal but when trainers asked me, "What are your goals?" they wouldn't accept that as an answer because it's too broad. I hadn't thought about how I was going to do it, how long it would take, or how much I wanted to lose. I couldn't visualize a plan. I hadn't thought about the details of how I was going to accomplish my goal of losing weight.

Most weight racks in a gym have various sizes of dumb bells that go from left to right smallest to largest. When you first join the gym you can't just walk over to the weight rack and pick up the 50lb dumb bells to start doing chest presses. That's not realistic as a beginner. You would injure yourself and then never go back. The best thing to do is to start with the lighter weights. You do a certain number of sets for a few days until you feel like those weights are too light. Then you would slowly and steadily work up to your desired weight. 

I am finally understanding that this process works the same with setting goals. You have to set smaller smart goals to help propel you forward towards your main goal.

Smart stands for: 

Specific - write out clear concise goals

Measurable - the ability to track your progress

Achievable - set challenging yet achievable goals

Relevant - set goals that are relevant to your overall plan

Timely - the goal has a target finish time attached

Those smaller smart goals are where you will discover your true potential. Who knows, maybe your broad goal is just a beginning to something even more amazing that you haven't thought of yet! How exciting!!

We all have it, friend. We are all full of potential. What are you going to become? What are your goals? Remember, friend, a dream without a goal is just a wish. Stop rubbing the side of the lamp waiting for the genie to grant your wishes. Make a plan, set goals and let them be the bridge to your dreams. 

XO, Robin

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DOMS - Doh! (16)

Dear Friend,

Do you give it your all when you work out? Have you ever experienced delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS)?  I now have a lot more sympathy for how a pin cushion might feel.

Delayed onset muscle soreness is the soreness and stiffness felt in your muscles after doing an unaccustomed or strenuous exercise. The pain is felt most strongly 24 to 36 hours after the exercise. I read that you could feel the pain as much as 72 hours after wards but I never have. When you stress your muscles while working out it causes microscopic tears in the muscle fibers. Normally you might think that a tear in your muscle is a bad thing but microscopic tears are a good thing because it causes your white blood cells to swoop in and repair/renovate the damaged muscle. It's what makes the muscle stronger. The good news is that the pain does pass and then, guess what, you feel awesome. 

When I was a kid my parents and I would drive to Florida once a year to see my Grandparents and then we usually found ways to go to an attraction like Disney. It was a long three day drive for us because my Mom was the only driver. We would stop at different places a long the way to take rest breaks for her and to off-set all the hours in the car. We tent camped at KOA campgrounds and anywhere our AAA guide book told us was decent. We didn't have a lot of money so there weren't any treats or candy in the car. We ate the things my Mom had made before we left home. Our road trips were always fun. It's hard work getting a car load of people from New England to Florida without wanting to murder each other. Thankfully, we always wound up laughing hysterically at some point from sheer exhaustion.   

Those road trips prepared me for my health and wellness journey today. You're probably thinking I'm crazy right now but it's true. Think about it, friend. I spend hours exercising in the gym (that's the car) to live a long and healthy life so I can spend more quality time with my friends and family (that's the road trip). Its important to have goals so you know what you are working towards (that's Disney). You have to incorporate rest days so you don't burn out or risk injury (the tourist stops we made along the way). It's best to have a plan so that when you get to the gym you know what to do (That's the AAA guide book) Meal prepping is key to staying within your caloric budget (Thanks for the home made snacks, Mom!). Oh! and all the road weary laughing? well, that's the camaraderie of your fitness tribe. 

But, Robin, what about DOMS? 

I love Walt Disney World. It has a sentimental value for me that gets me emotional as soon as I walk through the gates. It's a feeling of euphoria that fills my body when I am finally able to stand there. I've usually had to plan and save and work really hard every time I wanted to go to Walt Disney World. It's my goal to get back to Disney again some day. However, have you seen the price of admission at Disney parks nowadays? Ouch! That's painful... That's DOMS. Delayed on-set muscle soreness is the gatekeeper to awesome. If you want to be fit and strong you will experience DOMS. 

Listen, friend, if you're going to have fitness goals that include sore muscles why not let them be symbolized by a beautiful fairy tale castle that lights up at night with fireworks and animated characters you've loved your whole life... *swoon. You'll never reach your goals unless your desire to get there is strong enough, friend. Let's not sugar coat it, DOMS stink. They force you to rest and remind you that you're human. Don't give up! Do whatever you need to do to push through it, friend. Here are some great tips for easing DOMS. 8 Ways to Reduce DOMS

We got this, friend! Let's crush those goals. 

*puts on my Micky Mouse sweat band and game face. 

I'll meet you at Cinderella's castle.

XO, Robin

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Encouragement (15)

Dear Friend,

Do you ever have days when you just don't feel good enough? Those days are tough. It seems like nothing is going your way and you're full of bad mojo, right? It feels like no matter what you do that black cloud is going to hover over your head and jinx you forever. You find yourself stuck in your head with "I cant's". Then, out of the blue, someone gives you a a bit of encouragement and suddenly you feel like you can conquer the world.

Encouragement doesn't cost you anything but it could mean everything to the other person. Encouragement is defined as 'the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope'.  Encouragement is what the world needs.

A few years ago a friend of mine took part in a triathlon. This was long before I started my own health and wellness journey. I felt there was no way I could do the triathlon but I could at least offer encouragement. A group of us decided to go and cheer her on. We were her cheer squad! I made tshirts that said cheer squad on them and other friends made banners. We had so much fun encouraging our friend. We were loud with our enthusiasm and I hope having us there helped her cross the finish line. It was quite a day and we couldn't have been more proud of our friend. Towards the end of the day I realized one of the iron on letters on my tshirt had fallen off. I had unknowingly become part of the Cher squad. *Shrugs, It made us all laugh and to this day we always refer to encouragement teams as Cher squads.

Last year I "ran" a 5k. It was one of the best race's I had completed. I felt really great about my effort and finished a bit faster than previous 5k's. Towards the end of the race, as usual, my energy was fading when I saw a little old man standing by himself on the course. We had to run the last leg through the parking lot so he may have just been a guy waiting to leave the park. I had slowed quite a bit and was ready to walk for awhile when he suddenly cheered for me in a surprisingly strong voice saying, "You're doing great! You've still got gas in the tank, I can tell. Keep going!! The finish is just around the corner!" He clapped his hands and pumped his fists and waved me towards the finish. It put a huge smile on my face and you know what? He was right. I kept running because his encouragement gave me the mental boost I needed right when I needed it. I turned the corner and could see the inflatable balloons that decorated the finish line. I picked up my pace and jumped across that finish line.  He, a random stranger, had been my Cher squad that day.

When things get difficult and I feel like I can't reach my goals it always makes me giggle to imagine a group of people shaking pom-poms and shouting, "I got you, Babe!" in Cher's voice. Do you have a Cher squad in your life? Do you like to encourage other people? I hope so! We need you, friend.

If you need encouragement in your life find ways to encourage other people. When you bolster someone else a funny thing happens. You'll notice your own sense of motivation has been heightened too. You can do it, friend! *shakes pom poms.

XO, Robin

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P.P.S Ever noticed how the word encouragement hugs the word courage? *wink

Comparison (14)

Dear Friend,

Have you ever felt depressed or felt like you were failing in life because you haven't met the same milestones as the people around you?  Have you ever tried pushing a star shaped block through a square hole? I have news for you, friend, you're depressed because you are trying to fit in to someone else's mold. Please don't put yourself through that.

A few short years ago I reached a milestone birthday. When I was a young girl I always assumed that by this particular milestone birthday I would be married to a wonderful man and live in a house with a white picket fence. We would have a couple kids that liked to laugh and play outside in the sun. We would all live happy and healthy lives while the birds sang sweetly outside my window.

I watched too many Disney movies.

The reality was that I was a woman living alone in a 525 square foot house listening to my neighbors hurl F-bombs at each other while birds nested in the tree limbs above my car and used it for target practice. My life wasn't exactly the stuff of fairy tales... or was it?

I recently read a fascinating article about social comparison theory.  The theory talks about how there is a desire in each and every one of us to know who we are. To achieve this knowledge we tend to look at the people around us and compare our lives, opinions and abilities to theirs.  It's how we measure our success. There is a wonderful quote from Albert Einstein (according to the internet so it must be true) that says, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid." I mean, we all know a fish can't climb a tree but if that fish was bombarded it's whole life with images and facts like "To be happy you have to climb that tree!". How do you think that fish feels when it can't do it, friend? Pretty awful, right?

When I realized that my 'social comparison cookie cutter' life was not going to happen the way I thought it would I felt terribly disappointed and lost. I started asking questions like, "What's wrong with me?" or "What did I do wrong?" or "Why isn't this working out for me?" But here's the problem with those kinds of questions... they assume that something is wrong.

Have you ever put together a puzzle, friend? I freaking love puzzles! I completely lose track of time when I'm working on a puzzle. Hours could go by without me realizing it. I get so focused on completing the bigger picture that I focus on finding just the right jigs and jags that fit together. The thing about puzzles is that there are so many pieces in that box that don't fit together but they do fit somewhere in the puzzle. 

That's the key. We all fit somewhere, friend. 

I've learned in my life that depression usually happens when I resist changing my perspective. Most people get stuck and stick with chasing after what they know and what they think will make them happy. They keep trying to fit the same wrong pieces together. It's frustrating and confusing when the things you thought you liked or wanted don't work for you anymore. Put those pieces down, friend, and try something new.

If you are brave enough to break free of old habits in order to develop new positive habits you'll be surprised at how many pieces of your life suddenly fall in to place. Surround yourself with the kind of people you aspire to be. They will open new doors for you and expose you to new experiences that may fill you with even more joy. Don't settle, friend, you are made of star stuff so aim higher and reach for the stars.

XO, Robin   

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Non-Essential? (13)

Dear Friend,

Did you know there are parts of our body that we can live without? It's astonishing to me that an entire internal organ can be removed and yet we live.

I had my gall bladder removed almost a decade ago. One of my internal organs was cut out of my body and thrown away and yet here I am walking around without a care in the world. I have a scar to remind me that I had surgery but my brain has happily blocked the experience and moved on.  I feel like I should miss an internal organ. I mean it was part of my body for so many years shouldn't I notice it's gone? The truth is that my gall bladder caused me a lot of pain. I have a high pain thresh hold but my last gallstone attack was so severe I literally had the phone in my hand ready to call 911 when the pain finally began to pass. It was awful. For me, the elective surgery to have it removed was a no brainer. I never wanted to feel pain like that again.

Pain is a terrible burden. I tend to block pain. I don't really acknowledge it unless I have too. I push pain way down deep into the dark recesses of wherever and deal with it later. I don't recommend that course of action because it isn't healthy. To ignore pain is to allow it to fester and that always makes it worse.

The good news is there is always a balm to soothe pain. If it is physical there is usually a source of the pain that can be discovered, treated, and hopefully healed. If it is mental there are counselors, therapists and psychiatrists ready to help you work through the steps needed to ease your pain. If your pain is emotional there are ways to console a hurting heart. The trouble is understanding when you need help and then having the courage to ask for it.

People who suffer may not even realize that they need help. Most people with chronic pain complain of cognitive impairment, such as forgetfulness, difficulty with attention, and difficulty completing tasks. Sometimes it takes years for a person to even realize something is wrong. Oh yeah, and that Disney song from Frozen, Let it Go!, isn't very realistic. It's a catchy tune and fun to sing but you can't just snap your fingers and expect to suddenly set yourself free. There is a process. Deciding to let it go is just the first step. Next you have to acknowledge what to let go.

The best part of becoming healthy is finding all the nooks and crannies of yourself that need attention. You'll be surprised what you find hidden away. A couple of years ago I realized I had been depressed. I had been living in a tiny house in an increasingly terrible neighborhood and I was ignoring the fact that I had high functioning depression. There were several factors that allowed me to finally recognize my situation and take the steps I needed to take to become happier and healthier. One of those steps was to sell my house. When I sold my house I purged everything that was non-essential. I donated and threw away all kinds of clothes, dishes, furniture and decorations that I hadn't touched in years. There were items still packed in boxes from my last move! It felt GREAT! It was so liberating to be free of all the non-essential items that I once thought were essential to my existence. I can't even begin to tell you how good it felt to lighten my burden.

Friend, if you are struggling with pain I hope that you can find it's source and put it behind you. I hope it's a cause that can be dealt with and thrown away. Take a look in those dusty boxes you have packed away in your psyche. You know, all that baggage that keeps you from seeing your true purpose. Shine a light in that dark corner of yourself where you have everything piled up, friend. Don't worry, I'll hold the flashlight while you start purging. You got this!

XO, Robin

p.s. if you want to learn more about health and wellness please like my Facebook page Oh my Quad!

Mindless Eating (12)

Dear Friend,

Why did I just eat that?

I work out four to five times a week. I work hard in the gym. If you could see me after my work out you would say, "Wow, you had a great workout!". I'm usually soaked. My time in the gym isn't the problem, friend. I've been stuck on a weight plateau for almost a year because of what I stuff in my face outside of the gym.

My nutritional intake has improved by leaps and bounds compared to two years ago but I still fall flat on my face every once in awhile. My biggest hurdles are my old habits. As you know, friend, old habits die hard!

I make bad food choices without even thinking about it. This is my downfall, mindless eating. I eat something before my brain says, "wait! danger! bad choice!". Sometimes I feel like my brain is doing it on purpose... My brain is a saboteur.  My brain, let's call her Patricia (for no other reason then the fact that it's three syllables and fun to say when I'm annoyed), is addicted to sugar. Patricia is a sugar zombie!!

Quitting sugar, even cutting back on sugar, is challenging. Did you know, friend, that glucose, a form of sugar, is the primary source of energy for every cell in the body? The brain is the most energy demanding organ in our body. It uses one half of all the sugar energy we consume. Now, of course, there are different kinds of sugar and not all sugar is bad. Here is a fun video to explain this further. How sugar affects the brain

I don't know about you, friend, but I tend to crave sugar when I'm stressed. It's not a conscious decision. I'm usually running around on auto-pilot when it happens. My body is flooded with the stress hormone Cortisol so my primal brain says feed me I need calories in case we need to run from danger! I'll be navigating through my day feeling overwhelmed with my to do list and various problems of the world when suddenly there is an iced venti vanilla chai in one hand and chocolate dipped Madeleine cookies in the other. What the heck, Patricia?!

It's an old habit.

So how do we break free of old habits? How do we stop mindless eating? The reason you formed your old habits in the first place was because they filled a need at the time. Then the habit became second nature or mindless. To change a habit you have to bring the action back into the realm of consciousness and regain the ability to make choices. You have to stop being a zombie.

I struggle with my nutrition because I have been a zombie for years. I can admit that now that I am aware of it. I never had a great relationship with food. The things I used to eat had very little nutritional value and were mostly processed. My groceries came from the middle of the grocery store. Now, I shop around the edges of the store. I start in the produce section, then meat, then eggs and almond milk, then cashier and exit before Patricia realizes I forgot to buy ice cream and frozen pizza. I cook my meals at home now instead of ordering Chinese food take out. Friend, I used to hate cooking. Now, I look forward to it because the food I eat helps me to feel better - but I am not perfect.

The mindless eating episodes don't happen to me as often as they used to but today was one of those days. A glorious tray of Christmas cookies appeared in the break room at work. Before I knew it Patricia had eaten four of them. My stomach hurt and I was devastated that I had let myself down after a week of clean eating. I sat at my desk with my head in my hands as I fell into another old habit of beating myself up.

Once I realized what I was doing I made the conscious decision to stop. I took a few deep breathes and said to my brain, "Patricia, I forgive you for being a sugar zombie. I love how clever and resourceful you are but we have to start working together if we're ever going to reach our goals. Trust me, it will be worth it." It was a good talk and I feel like Patricia was listening but only time will tell. A health and wellness journey consists of a lot of baby steps. All babies stumble in the beginning so forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Be proud of how far you have come and remember that to err is human. Get back up, dust yourself off and begin again.

Friend, do you have old habits that are having a negative affect on your health and wellness? What need do you think those habits are filling? What is the root cause that needs to be healed? Is it an emotional or mental hurdle? Don't let your brain turn you in to a zombie. Live out loud and mindfully.

XO, Robin

p.s. if you want to learn more about health and wellness please like my Facebook page Oh my Quad!

Facing Fear (11)

Dear Friend,

Have you ever felt afraid or anxious? Did you know there is a difference?

Fear is unexpected. It's a feeling induced by a perceived danger or threat. It's a reaction to danger that triggers your fight or flight instinct. It's primal.

Anxiety is the anticipation of danger. It's a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about an imminent event or uncertain outcome. Anxiety is dangerous because it can control you. Anxiety can talk you out of doing things and keep you from achieving your goals and dreams.

Hi, My name is Robin and I have anxiety, friend. I never knew it, really, until this year.

I like to think that I project a positive, strong, and 'it takes a lot to scare' me type of persona. This is truly how I feel, for the most part, but there are a few things that peg my anxiety meter. The worst one for me is performance anxiety or stage fright. Oh boy, friend, just writing those two phrases is freaking me out.

What causes this particular fear? Is it simply the fear of failure? Is it the fear that you're not going to live up to the expectations set by yourself or others? What a boring life it would be if we never even tried. Did you know there is an enormous sense of relief and freedom that bolsters you when you are able to rise up and face your fears, friend?

Gym class was not my favorite class in school. I am not competitive. I couldn't do the things other kids could do. I was't strong enough, fast enough or athletic enough. At least, that is what my brain has always told me. I usually felt inadequate and insecure in gym class. Then again I didn't really try. I think I was afraid of the embarrassment of failure.

I remember one class where we were split in to two groups randomly. The teacher said whichever group could complete their task would win a prize. Each member of my group had to climb onto a box and swing on a thick rope to another box across a long gym mat. If you fell on the mat everyone who had crossed ahead of you had to go back to the beginning and cross again, no pressure.

I didn't see any purpose to this challenge except to make the kids who couldn't do it feel worse about themselves while everyone in the group hated them. My group had a few of the school athletes in it who kept looking over at me. I felt like they didn't approve that I was part of their group. I felt defeated before I even tried. The athletes went first and crossed easily. One kid after another made it across to the other side. There were a couple of near misses but the athletes made sure no one fell backwards once they reached the other box. All you had to do was reach the other box. As the group on my side got smaller I decided I wanted to get it over with. I jumped onto the box and stared across to the kids on the other side. They were staring back.

It felt like the gym grew quiet as I finally grabbed that rope. I was hesitating and because I was hesitating my anxiety level started to rise again. I felt like I was standing in a spotlight on top of that box. I felt like I was about to let every one on my team down. That was not okay with me. I took another deep breath to try to calm my nerves. Then, I jumped up, grabbed the rope with my hands and feet and held on with all the strength I could muster. A few terrifying seconds later, my hands slipped but I landed firmly on the other box. I stood in shocked silence for only a moment before letting out a primal scream that came up from the tips of my toes and overwhelmed me. I received a round of riotous cheers from everyone in the gym, even my teacher. My team won that day. I can't remember now what the prize was because for me the real prize was being able to conquer that obstacle. The real prize was learning to stop underestimating myself. That is something that I'm still learning.

I think my brain and my ego are best friends. I think I have stage fright because I am afraid to fail. I think I need to do the things that scare me because those are the things I'll be most proud of. Are you ready to face your fears too, friend? What obstacles are in your way? Is there something niggling at the back of your mind that you may have been wanting to do or try but you haven't yet because of fear or anxiety? I have a couple of things on my mind that I'm working up the courage to try. I don't want to tell you about them yet, friend, but believe me you'll be the first to know. What fear are you going to face today or tomorrow? You know you can do it, right friend? We got this!

XO, Robin

p.s. if you want to learn more about health and wellness please like my Facebook page Oh my Quad!

Mirrors (10)

Dear Friend,

I don't like mirrors. I think I spend about a half an hour a day, total, looking at myself in the mirror. I need like 10 minutes to dry my hair, a few minutes for makeup, and a quick check after I get dressed to make sure everything is covered. I might check my teeth after lunch (Since none of my co-workers ever tell me if I have a shrub of spinach sticking out of my teeth) and I'll make sure my hair isn't all over the place around 2pm but I don't ever make eye contact with myself. Is that weird? The funny thing is I never knew about my aversion to mirrors until I joined my gym. There are mirrors EVERYWHERE, friend. It's so hard to ignore myself when I'm staring back at myself every where I turn.

Finding myself surrounded by mirrors was hard for me in the beginning. I liked the ignorant bliss of denial. I had an image in my head of what I looked like. Unfortunately, that image was outdated. I'd gotten around that reality by always volunteering to be the one to take the pictures so I didn't have to be in the pictures. I bought loose fitting clothes so I could live in the illusion that I was losing weight. I put up lots of walls. I surrounded myself with a warm fuzzy blanket of denial.

The road to becoming truly healthy means having the courage to tear down the walls you have surrounded yourself with. You have to be able to honestly face every flaw and weakness in order to get stronger. This is terrifying, friend. It means making eye contact with the person in the mirror. It means rolling up your sleeves and having the nerve to get to work.

My outside self still doesn't match my inside self. I have been working out for two years now. I am certainly stronger and healthier and I look better but I still don't like those damn mirrors. I'm not sure why, friend. I understand the purpose of mirrors in the gym. They are for checking your form while performing certain exercises so you don't injure yourself. However, right now, all they do is remind me of how far I have left to go. Every time I squat, "Oh, hello love handles!" Every time I punch, "Hello, batwings!" I wish gyms could have a room for beginners where the mirrors were those carnival mirrors that made you look tall and skinny. Then when you built up enough confidence and self-esteem you could graduate to a room with more honest mirrors because you were more emotionally prepared for it.

I still don't make eye contact with myself in the gym mirrors, friend, even after two years. That's something I'll need to dig a little deeper to understand. Perhaps I need to forgive myself for all the years of neglect. Forgiveness, for me, takes time.

In the meantime, I'm hoping actions speak louder than words. I'm working really hard to get my health back. I keep trying to find different ways to encourage and love myself. Any successful partnership will tell you that it's all the little things you do for each other that matter. All the positive nouns like kindness, thoughtfulness, and honesty help to create a strong and healthy relationship. The same goes for how we treat our inner selves. In our fast paced worlds we often forget that the person staring back at us in the mirror needs our attention too.

                                                      

There are things that I do look for in the gym mirror. For example, I check the mirrors to see how big my sweat ring is. I know that sounds gross, friend, but I'm proud of that sweat ring. If I can get it down to my waist I know I've had an epic workout. I also know that I will never give up on myself. I love who I am becoming. I hope you don't give up on yourself either, friend. Keep going! We'll get there together. Slow and steady progress is best but you have to take that first step. 

XO, Robin

p.s. if you want to learn more about health and wellness please like my Facebook page Oh my Quad!

Gimmicks (9)

Dear Friend,

Have you ever fallen prey to a fad diet or weight loss gimmick? I have. It's embarrassing to admit but I've spent lots of money on whatever the latest 'lose weight quick' products were over the years. You do crazy things when you're desperate to lose weight.

I think the worst product I tried was a dietary supplement that I took in pill form. I had to take 4 pills twice a day (and that was a minimum dose). I took it for a few months religiously. I don't recall having any major weight loss. I may have lost 10 pounds total thanks to less pizza and ice cream, but it was the hope of weight loss that kept me buying more. I was morbidly obese and I was frantic for any kind of results. I think at that time I felt like I was at least doing something by taking the pills. There was the hope that the pounds would just fall off and I'd be slim by summer.

Then I started seeing stories on line of people suffering major health issues from taking this particular supplement. I read about cases of young and healthy people having heart attacks, liver problems, seizures and a muscle damaging condition called rhabdomyolysis (however you pronounce that). I got scared because I had started experiencing heart palpitations while I was just sitting on the couch! I stopped taking it right away.

Unlike drug manufacturers, the makers of dietary supplements don't have to show that their products are safe or effective before selling them. What?!? That's bonkers! I always thought that if it's in the store it must be safe. The bottom line is that there are no magic pills for losing weight. The worst part about diet supplements is that most of them have caffeine as a primary ingredient. Imagine taking the diet supplements AND drinking your coffee, tea, energy drink, pre-workout or all of the above!? Our bodies are not designed to be hopped up on caffeine 24/7.

Consuming caffeine in low to moderate doses isn't bad for us but most people consume way too much, myself included. Adults can consume 200 mg to 300 mg of caffeine a day without experiencing any ill side effects. Of course, if you're more sensitive to caffeine that number will be lower.

Except who actually pays attention to how much caffeine they drink in a day? I never used to until recently. Do you know how much caffeine is in your drink, friend? My favorite after work tea drink has 120 mg of caffeine. At work I like green tea which has about 45 mg per k-cup. I usually have 2 at work (on average) and 1 after work drink. That equals 210 mg of caffeine consumed daily. That's below the 300 mg upper limit the FDA recommends and that's much better than the 500 to 600 mg of caffeine I used to drink in a day. It's easy to have too much if you're not paying attention.

Did you know that caffeine can cause fatigue? That seems like something you would say on backwards day but it's true. If you are drinking too much caffeine it can also cause anxiety, insomnia, and digestive issues just to name a few. Here is a great article that talks about some of the side effects: 9 Side Effects of Too Much Caffeine and here is another: The Maximum Daily Dosage of caffeine

I know life is better with a little caffeine in the morning. Most of us drink some form of caffeine to get going and that's okay. You can do a google search "how much caffeine is in..." and quickly tally up the amounts in the beverages you drink. Take a moment to think about how much you consume on average. Are you in the danger zone, friend? I was! I cut way back and guess what? I can't remember the last time I yawned at work. I may reduce my consumption even more after writing this entry. Remember, all things in moderation. Your body needs rest to perform at it's best and exercise is a great substitute to caffeine when you need more energy. Did I really just say that?? lol.

XO, Robin

P.S. If you want to learn more about health and wellness check out my Facebook page Oh my Quad!

P.P.S I may look into buying a pair of those wonder sauna hot pants shown in the first picture above! Whose with me?