Helping Hands (25)

Dear Friend,

Have you ever seen someone else scared to the point of shaking? Fear is a confining emotion. Sometimes fear holds us back from doing the things we want to do. If you can overcome fear you can do anything.

I recently went on a fun weekend get away to Cape Cod with my elderly parents. My Mom and I decided to climb the inside of the Highland Lighthouse. There are sixty nine steps to the top. That is equivalent to climbing a five story building. Now, that doesn't sound too bad until you consider the kind of steps that they are.

Fun Fact about the lighthouse: 
In July of 1996, when the Highland Light was only 100 feet away from the edge of the cliff, the lighthouse was moved to its present location.The International Chimney Company of Buffalo, New York lifted the 430 ton lighthouse, and pushed it on steel “I” beams, lubricated with Ivory Soap, 453 feet to a safer location. 

There was an employee at the ground level of the Lighthouse who spoke eloquently to our small group of four about it's history. Our group consisted of Me, my Mom and an older couple. The husband spoke English but his wife spoke very little English. We were told to climb the stairs to the top and another employee would greet us to tell us more about the light.

The older couple climbed ahead of us. We could hear the wife muttering under her breath in another language all the way up the first two spiral inclines. The stairs were sturdy and secure but you could see through them to the ground. That was a bit disorienting. When we reached the middle landing the wife sat on a bench and waved her husband off. You could tell she was nervous. He was able to coax her up another flight of the stairs to a mini landing where she clung to the railing and waved him off again, complaining loudly in her language. She wasn't going to move.

My Mom and I reached her level and asked her if she was okay. She replied in her language and waved with a friendly shaking hand. Her other hand had a white knuckled grip around the pole she stood next too. She was trembling. I wasn't about to leave her there. It was crowded on that mini landing so I talked my Mom through how to climb up the 'Ships ladder' ahead of us. Imagine a straight ladder leaning against the side of a house. There wasn't a railing so you had to hang on to the ladder itself for stability. You had to climb up the ladder and through a hole in the ceiling that brought you to the floor above.

Once my Mom was through the hole, with the help of the husband and employee at the top, I looked over at the wife and smiled. She had been watching us and saw how my Mom climbed through the hole. "Okay, okay I go." She was trying to stay calm but her body gave her away.

She counted each step as she clutched to anything she could. She kept looking backwards to make sure I was still behind her. Slowly she made it to the floor above. I could hear everyone cheer when she rose through the hole. She could not be contained. She waved her arms and hugged her husband and beamed at me when I joined them. You could tell she was excited for having made it to the next ranger. She chattered away in her language. Her husband said she was very happy.

We all sat on benches and listened to the employee recount more of the Lighthouse history. Then the employee said we could climb the second 'Ships ladder' to get up to the last level and enjoy the view from the top of the light house. The wife waved her hands furiously and said, "No, no, no, no." I was beginning to worry how we were going to get her down.

The husband tried to talk his wife into going up just one more level while I asked my Mom if she wanted to climb it. She said sure so we both stood up to do it. When the wife saw us she stood up too and simply said, "Yes?" We smiled and said, "Yes".

"Okay, okay." she said then more muttering and a little moaning.

The husband went first. Next was my Mom. The husband took her hand to help her as she emerged through the floor. I looked at the wife, smiled, and waved towards the steps. She pointed at herself, shook her hands in the air as if to dry them and grabbed onto the ladder like her life depended on it. I kept saying, "You're okay." as she climbed the ladder chattering, shaking, gasping and counting each step. She made it to the top.

Once we were all at the top she hugged everyone and took lots of pictures. She was so thrilled. She even took a picture with me. It was a rainy day so the view of the ocean felt dramatic and perfect. We were all so pleased we had made it to the top to witness the view and the smiles on our faces.

Then it was time to go down. We made a quick decision about the order of decent. I volunteered to go first so that I could help the others if they needed it. My Mom went next and was amazingly confident. Then... nothing. The employee, my Mom, and I looked at each other with an expression of, "Uh Oh." I could here the familiar nervous chattering from above followed by the husbands calm voice.

I stepped back to the ships ladder and climbed up a few steps so that my face emerged through the floor they were standing on. I could see the wife leaning against her husband with her face in her hands. She was shaking again.

"Are you ready?" I said with a smile.

she looked at me and shook her head no. I reached out my hand, "Yes you are, come on. You can do it." I beckoned her closer.

She took my hand and started muttering on an exhale, "Okay, okay."

I think the tricky part for her was the fact that there was nothing to hang onto at the top until you were able to climb down a few steps and hang on to the steps you had passed. I stayed very close to her because I was worried she would shake herself off of the ladder. The four of us made our way slowly back down the Lighthouse steps together.

There was more hugging at the bottom and a few deep breathing exercises but she made it, we all did. When we drove away a half hour later we saw her across the parking lot and waved. She waved back with such enthusiasm it made my Mom and I both laugh with fondness. We will never see this woman again, we didn't even know her name, but we had made a life long friend that day simply because we had refused to leave her behind.

Sometimes, in my exercise classes, I feel like I'm being left behind. My most difficult movement right now is called a Burpee. Do you know what a Burpee is, friend? If not, here is a short video Beginner Burpees

Burpees are a great measurement of total body fitness.

In class, the modification is a squat, backwards lunge, back to squat then stand. I had been doing the modification for months and months while working on my core strength. Burpees scare me because I have thrown my back out a few times in the past so I'm always very careful when it comes to doing exercises that involve my core. Here's the funny thing about consistently exercising... your body gets stronger whether you believe in it or not. Your body will surprise you.

One day in class I had a friend come up to me and say, "You know, you're really strong, you can do burpees." I was so taken aback by her confidence in me that I decided to try it. The next class, when it was time to do the burpees, I didn't think about it I just went for it. Immediately after I DID the BURPEES I stood for a few seconds in complete shock. I didn't die. I didn't break my back. I felt overjoyed. My burpees aren't perfect and I can't do very many yet but I can do them and all it took was one person to give me that nudge of confidence.

Go out, friend, and do those things that scare you a little. I always take comfort knowing that there are helpers in the world ready to lend a hand or offer words of encouragement. Whenever I start to doubt myself or feel insecure there is always someone nearby who gives me courage when I least expect it. It's amazing what you can do when someone believes you can do it. It may surprise you who comes forward to be your helper. Are you ready, friend? Yes, come on! You can do it!

XO,
Robin

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Don't Quit! (24)

Dear friend,

Do you struggle with patience? I used to think I was a patient person. However, every year I grow older I am proven wrong. Lately, I am easily frustrated and discouraged with myself. Maybe that's the key word here. I get discouraged with myself.  I have trouble giving myself the time I need to change, adjust or adapt. I am a Capricorn so if you believe in that stuff (I don't really but the character profile can be fairly accurate) you'll understand that I have high expectations. I defend myself by saying it isn't true. However, I'm wrong. I do have high expectations, friend, for myself. I find myself falling short of them constantly.

It's not fair to expect myself to meet my goals in the snap of my fingers. I get grand ideas and then feel let down by myself when I can't reach them by the end of the day or week. How did I get to be this way? My fitness goals are still a long way away. I was morbidly obese when I started this journey. I spent years damaging and neglecting my body. It's unrealistic of me to think that I could have my ideal body in two years.

Lately, I've been drifting. I do that sometimes when things don't work out the way I'd like them too. I find myself adrift and wondering what I should do next. I usually get tired and down because my original goal will be delayed. I tend to beat myself up, not with negative thinking but just by being discouraged. I forget how hard I've worked to get where I am. Rome wasn't built in a day, right friend?

I never quit during these times. If you quit you'll never reach your goal. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. My weight (whatever that may symbolize in our lives) may get heavy at times but I keep moving forward. I can get so wrapped up in the struggle that I forget I'm still in the race. I switch to auto pilot and just go through the motions. Remember, even turtles eventually cross the finish line.

Then something happens. I have a day like today when everything clicks and I feel AMAZING!! Please listen to the voice memo I recorded after my workout. I hope this works...

Trials come along to test our commitment to our goals. Friend, if you want something bad enough you have to keep working until you get it. Don't quit when you feel tired or discouraged. Keep going! You could be one step away from reaching your goal. How do you know unless you take that step. Getting healthy is a struggle in today's world. We are constantly bombarded with misinformation, fast and cheap foods, pills that promise miracles. The truth is anything worth having is never quick and easy. Keep working, Keep pushing, Keep going. Never give up!

XO, Robin

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Water is Life (23)

Dear Friend,

Have you noticed how bonkers the serving sizes are lately? How did we get to this point, friend?  Beverages are even worse! Most places serve an eight ounce drink as their small or child size. When did it become normal to order a venti (20 ounces), trenti (30 ounces), extreme gulp (52 ounces), or a team gulp! (literally a gallon of liquid). Have you been to the movies recently? I saw a guy get a large soda. The kid taking his order put a bucket of liquid on the counter.  The man who ordered it was at least six feet tall and he had to use both hands to carry the soda. Did you know the bladder of a healthy adult can only hold about 16 ounces of liquid and your urge to go to the bathroom happens with as few as 5 ounces of urine?

Consider your favorite drink, friend. How many calories are in it? How much sugar or other chemicals? If you are trying to lose weight like me try replacing the higher calorie drinks with water. Ease into it if you have to. Add lemon or lime or fresh fruit to give it some flavor. Cucumbers or mint are a great flavor add in too. I'm someone who happens to like water but I know a few people who can't stand it. The good news is there are other sources of water. Coffee and Tea are made using water. The food you eat is also a great source of water! Think Cucumbers, watermelons, celery, zucchini and soups! We actually get about 20% of our needed daily intake from the foods we eat.

Water is so important to our health. However, be skeptical of bottled waters that claim to be 'extra healthy' for you. They may be hiding added sugars or unnecessary ingredients all while taking money away from you when you can get water for free at home. Beware!

How much water should I drink? This is an interesting question, friend. I always thought if you drank eight glasses a day you were on point. However, there are a few other factors such as weight, activity level and gender that can all play a part in how much water you should be drinking. There are lots of online calculators out there to help you figure out an approximate amount but I'm not sure I believe them. The best way to know if you are sufficiently hydrated is to simply look at the color of your urine. (Sorry I know this is a gross topic but we're all adults here and hydration is vital to our health) If your urine is clear or light yellow, well done! You are taking in the right amount of water. If your urine is darker in color it's time for some water.

Friend, don't underestimate the value of water. It has so many health benefits for your body. Nearly all of the major systems in your body depend on water including our largest organ, skin. Water regulates body temperature, helps prevent constipation, relieves headaches, lubricates joints, lessens the burden on kidneys and liver by flushing out toxic waste products and it helps to dissolve minerals and nutrients from our food to make them more accessible to our bodies. Water is life.

How much water have you had today? If you drink enough water I am so proud of you, friend! I have many friends who don't drink water and they have suffered the consequences with adverse health effects. Consider making water a higher priority to your health and wellness. The first thing I do in the morning is drink a glass of water. It helps to wake me up! It may surprise you how much better you will feel when you are hydrated.

XO, Robin

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Stress & Anxiety (22)

Dear friend,

Have you ever felt overwhelmed? There are days when I have trouble living up to my potential because I'm weighed down with the list in my head. I mentally make the list, worry about the list and struggle to complete the list. I become fatigued simply thinking about this imaginary list. My body reacts with various symptoms like headache, sore muscles, increased blood pressure and stress. If I can't complete everything on my list I get mad at myself or worse, disappointed in myself. Yikes! That's a lot of unnecessary pressure. Friend, if you do this too let's take a moment to mentally crumple that list and file it in the circular file or square file. (whatever shape your garbage can happens to be, *wink)

I'm not suggesting we avoid doing our chores and stop acting like responsible adults. I'm simply saying lets stop stressing ourselves out. There are enough real problems in our lives to have to deal with made up ones too. What's that old saying? Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

I recently had someone very dear to me crumble under the weight of anxiety. It was shocking to me because I am used to seeing this person as a capable pillar of strength. This person is always the first person to act and resolve 'problems'. They seem to know what to do in every situation and taught me by example to stand up straight and 'get the job done'.  This person has had a lot of responsibility throughout their life. Recently, they suffered from what they called nervous exhaustion. They had worried themselves into a corner and couldn't get out. One look at them and you could tell something was wrong. They looked grey and utterly worn out. They stumbled when they walked because they felt weak. They had a headache and their blood pressure was all over the place. They couldn't sleep very well and they couldn't eat because of nausea. Clearly, based on this person's circumstances, it was anxiety. Anxiety symptoms, Signs and Treatments

The only thing that can be done in these situations, if you are able, is to reassure them, love them, cook for them and hug it out because they need your strength and patience until they can get themselves back together. They need to be reminded that they aren't alone.

Have you ever noticed, friend, that we tend to take shallow breaths when we get stressed out or anxious? Next time you feel all balled up stop and be mindful of your breathing. You'd be surprised how much taking a slow deep breath can improve your wellness and clear your head. Do it more than once. Inhale as much oxygen as your lungs can hold. It feels like your belly is expanding too. Fill up all the spaces then let it out. In with the good, out with the bad. Try it now, friend. Focus on one word to clear your head; Love, patience, strength, or kindness, for example, or any word or phrase that helps you. This is a great article and podcast from NPR about the positive physical benefits of deep breathing Just Breathe.

We all get stressed out, friend. We all have days when it feels like nothing is going right or the world is out to get us. It's hard to think straight when we are constantly connected to devices and our brains are spiraling out of control. Please know that you are never alone. Others have felt the way you are feeling too. There are things you can do to improve your symptoms of stress and anxiety. Start simply by taking a deep breath. When you begin to feel better seek help from someone you are comfortable talking to. Therapy is a great way to relieve the pressure valve in your brain if you don't have a trusted confidant in your life. Don't forget that proper nutrition and sleep can help ease the storm of hormones from running amok in our bodies and exercise is a great stress reliever. Yay Endorphins!

Both Men and Women can suffer from stress and anxiety, friend. We all get overwhelmed at times. It's okay. Be kind to yourself. You can't do everything on your list all at once. Take one thing at a time and breathe.

XO, Robin

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Happy Birthday (21)

Dear Friend,

I recently had a birthday. It wasn't a milestone birthday as far as the number goes but it was a milestone birthday for managing my well being. This birthday was the happiest I have been in a really long time. I chose to laugh a lot on my birthday, friend, and it was exactly what I needed.

I have always felt like I was a strong person. I'm usually the one carrying the emotional burdens of everyone else. I'm a good listener. However, as I grow older and a little wiser, I realize that my strength is not a constant. There are times when I get tired or scared too. That's when I have to bolster my reserves of strength by asking my friends and/or family to circle their wagons. Sometimes they help me without even knowing that they are.

My birthday fell on a Saturday this year. The week leading up to my birthday had been fantastic. I felt like I was on top of the world and I was full of joy. I was looking forward to a fun filled day with friends followed by my Parents on Sunday. It was going to be great!

Wednesday, hump day, I get a voicemail on my cellphone from my doctor's office. "Hi, this is xyz from Radiology with regards to your recent mammogram? We have discovered an area of concern and would like you to come in as soon as possible for an ultrasound. It's probably nothing but we just want to make sure. Please call back at your earliest convenience to schedule that appointment. Thank you and have a great day!" 

Well... that sucks... *insert heart palpitations here.

I called back three times, trying not to freak out or fall apart, before I could speak with a human being. Their earliest appointment was the Monday after my birthday. *Deep breath, Robin.

At first I contemplated not telling anyone. In the last two years my family has lost two family members to cancer, one of them was breast cancer. I can handle this, I thought. I didn't want to worry anyone. However, my anxiety got the better of me. I needed my Mom. Luckily, my Mom is a retired nurse. When she is faced with any kind of medical situation she goes into something I like to call "clinical mode". She takes in all the information then calmly gives you advice based on years of experience. She made me feel better and reminded me that she had had a call back too that turned out to be nothing. Okay, I can do this. Thursday and Friday passed without much fear just lots of heart kisses texted from my Mom but as my birthday crept closer my anxiety level rose again. I reached out to a dear friend who has had experience with breast cancer. She too made me feel better and assured me that call backs are much more common now a days. Again, I felt better.

That's when I made the conscious decision to have a great birthday. I wasn't going to let the "area of concern that could be nothing" ruin my fun! 

It really was a top ten birthday. My face and stomach hurt from laughing so much. It was wonderful to see my two best friends smiling and laughing as much as I was. We all needed it for various reasons. I'm glad I didn't tell them that day about my call back. It would have been a black cloud over a perfect day with amazing friends. I will Cherish this birthday and the memories we made that day for years to come. The pictures are pretty hilarious too. 

Friend, my point in telling you about this is that happiness truly is a choice if you let it be. We can't always choose our health circumstances but we can work to improve them by exercising our muscles and eating a healthy diet. It's the same with happiness. A happy heart gets stronger with laughter, love, kindness and compassion. Seek out people who will nurture these things and share them with you. Don't forget that your heart is a muscle that requires daily exercise too, friend. 

Oh, and my "area of concern" turned out to be nothing! 

XO, Robin

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Gratitude (20)

Dear friend,

When was the last time you felt gratitude? When you think of the word gratitude what does it mean to you? The definition of gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. For me, gratitude means more than just saying thank you to someone else, it's a feeling of thoughtfulness that fills you up and makes your heart swell.

There are days in our lives when we get stuck in the mud. Those are the days we are overwhelmed by our to-do list. All we see is the stress of getting everything done. We forget to be grateful for who we are and what we have. Those are the days we need reminders.

My father was a carpenter before he retired. He worked all over the state on a construction crew. He had an uncanny skill to lay out a job in his mind and calculate exactly what was needed for materials from the amount of lumber right down to the bag of nails. He's built multi-level houses and apartment buildings, hotels and garages. He built all my book shelves and bedroom furniture. He more than tripled the size of my childhood home and added on an in-law apartment for my grandparents when they got older. Whenever I needed help with something I knew my Dad could figure it out. I have always known my Dad as tall, handsome, strong, stubborn and very capable. He also happened to be legally blind.

My Mom taught me to drive initially but it was my Dad who helped me to feel confident behind the wheel. We would go on little adventures. He would take me out to dinner so I could drive or we'd just go for a ride. He knew the roads of our town like the back of his hand. He could guide me with landmarks and tell me to turn left when I see this or right when I see that. He had memorized all the names of the streets too. He was my first GPS. I trusted him to keep us from getting lost and he trusted me not to crash into anything. Our adventures became a habit as the years passed and his remaining vision slowly faded.

One day we were returning from one of our dinner dates, while Mom was at work, when he asked me if we could stop at the store. I groaned internally because I was in a bad mood from a long work day. Dinner had taken much longer than expected. I had a lot to do and still had a forty minute drive to get home. I was irritated and impatient. I reluctantly agreed. We parked and I trudged into the store with him behind me, hanging on to my shoulder. When we got inside I sighed and asked him what we were looking for. He said he wanted to buy a card and some flowers for my Mom because tomorrow was their anniversary.

Friend, I'm not going to lie, I almost sobbed right there in the front of the store. Here I was being an impatient jerk when all my Dad wanted to do was buy a gift for his sweetie for their anniversary. It was an action he couldn't do by himself. I felt terrible. I had completely forgotten about their anniversary. I fought back tears and gave him a bear hug while I sniffled into his shoulder. He patted me on the back as I asked him what kind of flowers he wanted. We spent another hour smelling flowers and reading cards together until we were both happy. It was a fun adventure and a valuable lesson in thoughtfulness that I will always be grateful for.

When you are feeling lost in the minutia of day to day life, friend, please take a moment to be grateful for one thing your body has done right for you that day. Do you have eyes to see with? Ears to hear with? Can you pick up things with your hands? Did you have a nice walk or run around the block?  If you are healthy, fall in love with the amazing bio-mechanical system that you call your body. There are so many people in this world who live happy and full lives with much less. Be grateful for everything your body can do for you. Be kind to your body. Don't focus on the things it can't do. Love yourself more today because you can, friend.

xo, Robin

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The Best (19)

Dear Friend,

Are you a competitive person? Are you the best at something? Does it make you feel good? What does being the best mean anyway? Why do some people feel driven to be the best? We are all unique individuals so aren't we already the best at being ourselves?

There have been times in my life when people have applauded the things I could do. I even received a a couple standing ovations. That felt amazing and I was grateful for them but it isn't the kind of validation I seek. I would much rather be awesome anonymously. The fulfillment you get from spreading joy covertly is like nothing else I've ever known. To be able to make someone smile or inspire someone without taking credit for it is a kind of satisfaction that can be thrilling, especially when you see the results of your actions. Anonymity is difficult to achieve sometimes but it's a heck of a lot of fun to try.

I like to call them 'special projects'. I know for a fact that I am not the only person in the world who likes to do "special projects'. Have you seen the kindness rocks that people leave around town, friend? I haven't tried that one yet but I love the concept and will paint a few of my own to share soon. I've also seen random sticky notes with kind phrases on them at drive thru windows. Nice! The other day I saw post it notes of encouragement stuck to books in the teen section of my library. Perfect! Anything you can do to have a surprising positive impact on another human being is a step in the right direction.

The best part about becoming a healthy individual is that once you have taken the time to heal yourself you find that you have much more energy, love and kindness to share with the world around you. People are starving for it. The other day I stopped at Home Depot to pick up a couple items I needed. As I walked towards the front door I passed an older lady pushing her carriage. She was slow and slumped with the weight of her world. I have a fondness for elderly people so I smiled a big bright smile at her. She stopped in her tracks and stared at me for a second then smiled back and said, "Wow! What a wonderful greeting!" She stood a little straighter as we passed each other and I could tell that just the act of acknowledging her had improved her day. It surprised me that something so simple could have such an impact on another person. Smiling is easy for me. It's my default setting. It didn't cost me anything or take any effort on my part to smile at her and yet we both received a positive boost from the interaction. To me, encounters like that are the best.

Every stage of our lives we focus on new things. If you are an adult you have survived early childhood development and the teenage years. The twenties are all about leaving the nest, making mistakes and spreading your wings. The thirties might be about building strong roots and foundations of your own. Each decade we learn and experience personal growth. I think that's why I admire senior citizens. They have survived and grown a lot in their lives and have incredible, sometimes surprising, stories to tell.

I hope you know, friend, that being the best has nothing to do with trophies, medals, or standing ovations. Those things are great motivators and milestones but the best has more to do with who you become while striving for those things. Are you the best version of yourself? We focus so strongly at the beginning of the year on our resolutions. The most common is diet and exercise. Eating whole foods and getting to the gym consistently is important but are YOU real and consistent? You may be focusing on improving your muscle strength right now but can people count on your strength of character?

A lot of the worlds religions refer to 'good people' as being like a candle in a dark world. I hope that you are able to nurture your inner light so well this year that instead of being a flickering candle in this dark world you will be a bonfire that lights up your surroundings with warmth and energy. Take a look around you. How can you improve what you see? Are you happy? Are the people around you happy? I hope so, friend! If not, start with little changes or happy surprises. If you are brave enough, try volunteering or helping somehow in your community. When I say community I don't necessarily mean the town you live in. It could refer to any group of people you spend time with. I guarantee you that if you approach an idea or task for spreading kindness with a positive attitude you will feel phenomenal after wards, especially if you can do it anonymously.

I challenge you to be the best human being you can be this year. Do you have a great idea for kindness? Don't wait, Just do it! I hope this post is the lighter fluid you need to get your metaphorical bonfire started.

XO, Robin 

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Chance (18)

Dear Friend,

What do you do with a chance? Do you grab on to it with both hands? Or do you let fear of the unknown hold you back until the chance passes by? A chance is the possibility of something happening. Depending on the situation there is a chance that it could be positive or negative.

Monopoly was one of those board games that rarely went my way. I was okay with not winning. I always felt bad causing the financial ruin of other players. The best part of the game for me were the chance cards. I loved the mystery and potential opportunity of them. They could be a cash windfall or a weird tax of some kind. You never knew which way the chance card was going to go.

Every day that we wake up is like pulling a new chance card. You don't know what's going to happen or who you are going to meet. You take a chance stepping out your front door, going to the gym, driving to work or just running chores.

A few years ago my washing machine broke. I was forced to take my laundry to the the laundry mat in the next town because my town didn't have one. I was dreading it and put it off as long as I could. I had a lot to do and spending a couple hours doing laundry was not how I wanted to spend my time, friend. Oh well, it had to be done. I made my way there and secured a couple of the big machines. It was crowded, of course. There was a flat screen TV yelling news at us from its perch high on the wall. I tried to block it out but the voices of the newscasters permeated the air with bad news. It made everyone grumpy. The woman next to me said something unkind about the report. I turned to look at her as she turned to look at me. I could tell by the shock on her face that she instantly regretted what she had said. I took a chance to interact with her. I smiled as kindly as I could and said, "It's okay. I don't think anyone else heard you." She smiled back and said, "I can't believe I just said that. That's not like me!?"

That's where our conversation started. We talked the entire time and had fun solving all of the worlds problems, as you do at the laundry mat. She was in town visiting an ill family member but she lived with her husband in Pleasant Bay, Nova Scotia. She told me a fabulous story about how the Fire Department and Fishermen played a game of baseball every year on Canada Day with a group of Buddhist Monks from Gampo Abbey. There is a documentary about it on YouTube in 3 parts called Monks at Bat.

I loved this story! I was enthralled by it and by my new friend Mary. She spoke so passionately about two very different groups of people coming together to form friendships that strengthened their community. We had such a great conversation that we stood in the parking lot with our laundry baskets for another hour before saying good-bye. It was one of those strange encounters where you are so wrapped up in enjoying the experience that you forget to get any contact information. I don't know her last name, email address or phone number but I will always remember the day we spent in the laundry mat laughing and sharing stories. This chance encounter with Mary and her story of the monks inspired me to go on an adventure to a museum in NYC with a dear friend of mine. It was something I wouldn't have done if I hadn't heard Mary speak so eloquently about her Buddhist neighbors. That trip led me to try sound meditation which has been helpful in relieving my stress levels and anxiety.

Friend, take a chance today and try something new. Go somewhere out of your routine and pay attention to the people around you. There are opportunities everywhere for you to have a chance conversation or experience that could change the direction of your life or, at the very least, enhance it greatly. For example, two years ago I took a chance on my gym. I'm so glad I did. Some of my best friendships evolved from chance encounters there. I wish you the happiest new year. I hope it is full of good chances.

XO, Robin

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Potential & Goals (17)

Dear Friend,

Are you someone who jumps out of bed ready to seize the day? Or do you prefer to curl up under your warm pile of blankets and pray that someone else will do everything for you. Perhaps, like me, you're a bit of both. I think my energy level depends on the day, the phase of the moon, and whether I have spent time cultivating my own worth.

There have been times in my life, more than I care to admit, where I have been made to feel 'less than' by others. I don't know if it was on purpose or on accident by careless people but they would take me for granted, underestimate me, quit on me and walk away or worse, not even show up. That's not a great feeling. It makes you feel small and unworthy. I hate that feeling because it's not true. Unfortunately, I have been treating myself that way, mindlessly, my whole life.

I have dreams and aspirations that have been sitting on a shelf in my psyche collecting dust ever since I was a kid. Every once in a while I'll retreat to that place and stare over at them. I'll find a little motivation and work towards building a bridge to reach one of them but then life gets in the way. My inner cheerleader gets tired or discouraged. I don't think anything evaporates motivation faster than fatigue. It's when I'm tired that I allow myself to feel less than. I forget how shiny my dreams are and I settle for what I'm doing.

The truth is I don't have a plan, friend. We all have dreams that are attainable if we believe in ourselves and set goals to help us from going off the rails with self doubt.

I stink at setting goals. My mind visualizes the end goal and thinks I need to just keep moving towards that goal, right? When I started my fitness journey I knew I needed to lose weight. I thought that was my goal but when trainers asked me, "What are your goals?" they wouldn't accept that as an answer because it's too broad. I hadn't thought about how I was going to do it, how long it would take, or how much I wanted to lose. I couldn't visualize a plan. I hadn't thought about the details of how I was going to accomplish my goal of losing weight.

Most weight racks in a gym have various sizes of dumb bells that go from left to right smallest to largest. When you first join the gym you can't just walk over to the weight rack and pick up the 50lb dumb bells to start doing chest presses. That's not realistic as a beginner. You would injure yourself and then never go back. The best thing to do is to start with the lighter weights. You do a certain number of sets for a few days until you feel like those weights are too light. Then you would slowly and steadily work up to your desired weight. 

I am finally understanding that this process works the same with setting goals. You have to set smaller smart goals to help propel you forward towards your main goal.

Smart stands for: 

Specific - write out clear concise goals

Measurable - the ability to track your progress

Achievable - set challenging yet achievable goals

Relevant - set goals that are relevant to your overall plan

Timely - the goal has a target finish time attached

Those smaller smart goals are where you will discover your true potential. Who knows, maybe your broad goal is just a beginning to something even more amazing that you haven't thought of yet! How exciting!!

We all have it, friend. We are all full of potential. What are you going to become? What are your goals? Remember, friend, a dream without a goal is just a wish. Stop rubbing the side of the lamp waiting for the genie to grant your wishes. Make a plan, set goals and let them be the bridge to your dreams. 

XO, Robin

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DOMS - Doh! (16)

Dear Friend,

Do you give it your all when you work out? Have you ever experienced delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS)?  I now have a lot more sympathy for how a pin cushion might feel.

Delayed onset muscle soreness is the soreness and stiffness felt in your muscles after doing an unaccustomed or strenuous exercise. The pain is felt most strongly 24 to 36 hours after the exercise. I read that you could feel the pain as much as 72 hours after wards but I never have. When you stress your muscles while working out it causes microscopic tears in the muscle fibers. Normally you might think that a tear in your muscle is a bad thing but microscopic tears are a good thing because it causes your white blood cells to swoop in and repair/renovate the damaged muscle. It's what makes the muscle stronger. The good news is that the pain does pass and then, guess what, you feel awesome. 

When I was a kid my parents and I would drive to Florida once a year to see my Grandparents and then we usually found ways to go to an attraction like Disney. It was a long three day drive for us because my Mom was the only driver. We would stop at different places a long the way to take rest breaks for her and to off-set all the hours in the car. We tent camped at KOA campgrounds and anywhere our AAA guide book told us was decent. We didn't have a lot of money so there weren't any treats or candy in the car. We ate the things my Mom had made before we left home. Our road trips were always fun. It's hard work getting a car load of people from New England to Florida without wanting to murder each other. Thankfully, we always wound up laughing hysterically at some point from sheer exhaustion.   

Those road trips prepared me for my health and wellness journey today. You're probably thinking I'm crazy right now but it's true. Think about it, friend. I spend hours exercising in the gym (that's the car) to live a long and healthy life so I can spend more quality time with my friends and family (that's the road trip). Its important to have goals so you know what you are working towards (that's Disney). You have to incorporate rest days so you don't burn out or risk injury (the tourist stops we made along the way). It's best to have a plan so that when you get to the gym you know what to do (That's the AAA guide book) Meal prepping is key to staying within your caloric budget (Thanks for the home made snacks, Mom!). Oh! and all the road weary laughing? well, that's the camaraderie of your fitness tribe. 

But, Robin, what about DOMS? 

I love Walt Disney World. It has a sentimental value for me that gets me emotional as soon as I walk through the gates. It's a feeling of euphoria that fills my body when I am finally able to stand there. I've usually had to plan and save and work really hard every time I wanted to go to Walt Disney World. It's my goal to get back to Disney again some day. However, have you seen the price of admission at Disney parks nowadays? Ouch! That's painful... That's DOMS. Delayed on-set muscle soreness is the gatekeeper to awesome. If you want to be fit and strong you will experience DOMS. 

Listen, friend, if you're going to have fitness goals that include sore muscles why not let them be symbolized by a beautiful fairy tale castle that lights up at night with fireworks and animated characters you've loved your whole life... *swoon. You'll never reach your goals unless your desire to get there is strong enough, friend. Let's not sugar coat it, DOMS stink. They force you to rest and remind you that you're human. Don't give up! Do whatever you need to do to push through it, friend. Here are some great tips for easing DOMS. 8 Ways to Reduce DOMS

We got this, friend! Let's crush those goals. 

*puts on my Micky Mouse sweat band and game face. 

I'll meet you at Cinderella's castle.

XO, Robin

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Encouragement (15)

Dear Friend,

Do you ever have days when you just don't feel good enough? Those days are tough. It seems like nothing is going your way and you're full of bad mojo, right? It feels like no matter what you do that black cloud is going to hover over your head and jinx you forever. You find yourself stuck in your head with "I cant's". Then, out of the blue, someone gives you a a bit of encouragement and suddenly you feel like you can conquer the world.

Encouragement doesn't cost you anything but it could mean everything to the other person. Encouragement is defined as 'the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope'.  Encouragement is what the world needs.

A few years ago a friend of mine took part in a triathlon. This was long before I started my own health and wellness journey. I felt there was no way I could do the triathlon but I could at least offer encouragement. A group of us decided to go and cheer her on. We were her cheer squad! I made tshirts that said cheer squad on them and other friends made banners. We had so much fun encouraging our friend. We were loud with our enthusiasm and I hope having us there helped her cross the finish line. It was quite a day and we couldn't have been more proud of our friend. Towards the end of the day I realized one of the iron on letters on my tshirt had fallen off. I had unknowingly become part of the Cher squad. *Shrugs, It made us all laugh and to this day we always refer to encouragement teams as Cher squads.

Last year I "ran" a 5k. It was one of the best race's I had completed. I felt really great about my effort and finished a bit faster than previous 5k's. Towards the end of the race, as usual, my energy was fading when I saw a little old man standing by himself on the course. We had to run the last leg through the parking lot so he may have just been a guy waiting to leave the park. I had slowed quite a bit and was ready to walk for awhile when he suddenly cheered for me in a surprisingly strong voice saying, "You're doing great! You've still got gas in the tank, I can tell. Keep going!! The finish is just around the corner!" He clapped his hands and pumped his fists and waved me towards the finish. It put a huge smile on my face and you know what? He was right. I kept running because his encouragement gave me the mental boost I needed right when I needed it. I turned the corner and could see the inflatable balloons that decorated the finish line. I picked up my pace and jumped across that finish line.  He, a random stranger, had been my Cher squad that day.

When things get difficult and I feel like I can't reach my goals it always makes me giggle to imagine a group of people shaking pom-poms and shouting, "I got you, Babe!" in Cher's voice. Do you have a Cher squad in your life? Do you like to encourage other people? I hope so! We need you, friend.

If you need encouragement in your life find ways to encourage other people. When you bolster someone else a funny thing happens. You'll notice your own sense of motivation has been heightened too. You can do it, friend! *shakes pom poms.

XO, Robin

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P.P.S Ever noticed how the word encouragement hugs the word courage? *wink

Comparison (14)

Dear Friend,

Have you ever felt depressed or felt like you were failing in life because you haven't met the same milestones as the people around you?  Have you ever tried pushing a star shaped block through a square hole? I have news for you, friend, you're depressed because you are trying to fit in to someone else's mold. Please don't put yourself through that.

A few short years ago I reached a milestone birthday. When I was a young girl I always assumed that by this particular milestone birthday I would be married to a wonderful man and live in a house with a white picket fence. We would have a couple kids that liked to laugh and play outside in the sun. We would all live happy and healthy lives while the birds sang sweetly outside my window.

I watched too many Disney movies.

The reality was that I was a woman living alone in a 525 square foot house listening to my neighbors hurl F-bombs at each other while birds nested in the tree limbs above my car and used it for target practice. My life wasn't exactly the stuff of fairy tales... or was it?

I recently read a fascinating article about social comparison theory.  The theory talks about how there is a desire in each and every one of us to know who we are. To achieve this knowledge we tend to look at the people around us and compare our lives, opinions and abilities to theirs.  It's how we measure our success. There is a wonderful quote from Albert Einstein (according to the internet so it must be true) that says, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid." I mean, we all know a fish can't climb a tree but if that fish was bombarded it's whole life with images and facts like "To be happy you have to climb that tree!". How do you think that fish feels when it can't do it, friend? Pretty awful, right?

When I realized that my 'social comparison cookie cutter' life was not going to happen the way I thought it would I felt terribly disappointed and lost. I started asking questions like, "What's wrong with me?" or "What did I do wrong?" or "Why isn't this working out for me?" But here's the problem with those kinds of questions... they assume that something is wrong.

Have you ever put together a puzzle, friend? I freaking love puzzles! I completely lose track of time when I'm working on a puzzle. Hours could go by without me realizing it. I get so focused on completing the bigger picture that I focus on finding just the right jigs and jags that fit together. The thing about puzzles is that there are so many pieces in that box that don't fit together but they do fit somewhere in the puzzle. 

That's the key. We all fit somewhere, friend. 

I've learned in my life that depression usually happens when I resist changing my perspective. Most people get stuck and stick with chasing after what they know and what they think will make them happy. They keep trying to fit the same wrong pieces together. It's frustrating and confusing when the things you thought you liked or wanted don't work for you anymore. Put those pieces down, friend, and try something new.

If you are brave enough to break free of old habits in order to develop new positive habits you'll be surprised at how many pieces of your life suddenly fall in to place. Surround yourself with the kind of people you aspire to be. They will open new doors for you and expose you to new experiences that may fill you with even more joy. Don't settle, friend, you are made of star stuff so aim higher and reach for the stars.

XO, Robin   

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Non-Essential? (13)

Dear Friend,

Did you know there are parts of our body that we can live without? It's astonishing to me that an entire internal organ can be removed and yet we live.

I had my gall bladder removed almost a decade ago. One of my internal organs was cut out of my body and thrown away and yet here I am walking around without a care in the world. I have a scar to remind me that I had surgery but my brain has happily blocked the experience and moved on.  I feel like I should miss an internal organ. I mean it was part of my body for so many years shouldn't I notice it's gone? The truth is that my gall bladder caused me a lot of pain. I have a high pain thresh hold but my last gallstone attack was so severe I literally had the phone in my hand ready to call 911 when the pain finally began to pass. It was awful. For me, the elective surgery to have it removed was a no brainer. I never wanted to feel pain like that again.

Pain is a terrible burden. I tend to block pain. I don't really acknowledge it unless I have too. I push pain way down deep into the dark recesses of wherever and deal with it later. I don't recommend that course of action because it isn't healthy. To ignore pain is to allow it to fester and that always makes it worse.

The good news is there is always a balm to soothe pain. If it is physical there is usually a source of the pain that can be discovered, treated, and hopefully healed. If it is mental there are counselors, therapists and psychiatrists ready to help you work through the steps needed to ease your pain. If your pain is emotional there are ways to console a hurting heart. The trouble is understanding when you need help and then having the courage to ask for it.

People who suffer may not even realize that they need help. Most people with chronic pain complain of cognitive impairment, such as forgetfulness, difficulty with attention, and difficulty completing tasks. Sometimes it takes years for a person to even realize something is wrong. Oh yeah, and that Disney song from Frozen, Let it Go!, isn't very realistic. It's a catchy tune and fun to sing but you can't just snap your fingers and expect to suddenly set yourself free. There is a process. Deciding to let it go is just the first step. Next you have to acknowledge what to let go.

The best part of becoming healthy is finding all the nooks and crannies of yourself that need attention. You'll be surprised what you find hidden away. A couple of years ago I realized I had been depressed. I had been living in a tiny house in an increasingly terrible neighborhood and I was ignoring the fact that I had high functioning depression. There were several factors that allowed me to finally recognize my situation and take the steps I needed to take to become happier and healthier. One of those steps was to sell my house. When I sold my house I purged everything that was non-essential. I donated and threw away all kinds of clothes, dishes, furniture and decorations that I hadn't touched in years. There were items still packed in boxes from my last move! It felt GREAT! It was so liberating to be free of all the non-essential items that I once thought were essential to my existence. I can't even begin to tell you how good it felt to lighten my burden.

Friend, if you are struggling with pain I hope that you can find it's source and put it behind you. I hope it's a cause that can be dealt with and thrown away. Take a look in those dusty boxes you have packed away in your psyche. You know, all that baggage that keeps you from seeing your true purpose. Shine a light in that dark corner of yourself where you have everything piled up, friend. Don't worry, I'll hold the flashlight while you start purging. You got this!

XO, Robin

p.s. if you want to learn more about health and wellness please like my Facebook page Oh my Quad!